Do I Belong? – The Reason Behind My Absence.

Hi all,
As you may have noticed, I’ve been absent from my blog for quite a long time. Yes, part of it was due to college finals, medical issues, and catching back up at the beginning of second semester, but a majority of the reason is because I’ve been questioning my place in the bookish community.
For quite a while now, I’ve been questioning whether or not I really belong as a true part of the bookish community. For me, it’s not even about not having anyone to talk to. Instead, it’s about whether I can stand with all the other amazing bloggers and whether or not I can keep up with their reading pace. Part of it is also because of the number of ARC reviews I see people posting.
Yes, I know it isn’t about reading all the ARC’s or getting higher ratings–it never started off as such for me. At the same time though, I’m a little fearful people won’t like my blog because I DON’t have as many ARC reviews up or don’t post as many author interviews, guest posts, etc. Even now, I am not considering getting back into blogging because of the ratings or ARC’s at all. I want to blog because it’s something I like doing and because at least one person gets something out of the content I post. I want to know that even though I don’t have the time to read and review as many ARC’s because of school, that people will still find me relevant. But mostly, I want to have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m making a difference for someone and that my opinion matters.
This brings me to my next point–reading became a task for me. Since I wasn’t sure people enjoyed my blog for the reviews I posted that weren’t new releases or ARC’s, I felt that I had to read those kinds of books as quickly as possible to keep up with them all. Thus, I started feeling that I had to read as quickly as possible in order to keep up with the new releases I wanted to read–and that I thought people wanted to read about on my blog. Not only did this make me unhappy, but I started to feel as though I wasn’t proud in what I was putting out on here for people and began questioning my place in the community.
Lastly, I questioned my place in the community because of the reduced amount of books that college has made me able to read. In high school I could easily read and review six books a month and still be able to keep up with my school work, but now I can only get through about three on a good month. Maybe it’s just an adjustment period, but I needed to come to terms with that and appreciate what I can do in a month. Basically, I needed to take time to reflect on the new changes college has brought about.

The reason I’m writing this post is because I do want to get back into blogging, but I want to start fresh. I want to be happy with what I’m producing and know that it doesn’t matter if I have old books or new books on here. Yes, reading ARC’s would be nice, but I’m going to limit myself and not participate in blog tours in order to stabilize myself and get back to where I want to be. I want to be happe doing what I love–reading and reviewing books so that more people find out about them. . In short, I’m coming back to blogging, but I’m going to start out with one or two posts a week, and I’m not going to worry about reviewing the newest and latest books.

I’m sorry for the extremely long post, but I’ve been fighting with myself on whether to write it and what people would think. I’m honestly scared to post this, but I’m hoping that doing so will make me feel better about my decision and will help me come to better terms with the fact that I’m reading less.

Sidenote: i’m having one surgery for sure in May so I’ll be able to do lots of reading and I might have another in June so look out for more books.:)